Big Sky Country

As Kristin and Jon guessed and others may know, I took a vacation to the MT/WY area. I flew into Billings, and Anna and I went down to Red Lodge to get some skiing/snowboarding in for a couple days. We were joined later by Megan and Beth. After the downhill activities were finished, we headed up and over to the Gardiner/Yellowstone area for just under 24 hours. To finish out the trip, we did a quick stay in Big Timber. I DID remember my camera this time, and it was a tough task to pare down the three or four hundred pictures to less than ten for this post.

Small glimpse of the Beartooth Mountains

At Red Lodge ski area

Puma/mountain lion we saw at the Beartooth Nature Center. I thought this was cool because I worked on a project at work for a couple years that was called Puma.

The gang's all there

Elk with antlers still on

Sisterz

Good Yellowstone view

Close encounter of the buffalo kind. NOT at the nature center.

Oh yes, and we mustn't forget the list. Items are not in order of importance. Best things about my vacation to Montana:

1. Spending time with my two sisters
2. Spending time with my cousin/sister in spirit
   
3. Meeting a bunch of great people in Montana. Matthew 19:29 has God's promise to those who leave everything to follow Him. I have experienced the flip side of that also - that those who have been left are given something special too. God is no man's debtor.
4. Having it made real again how interesting older people are. They've seen so much change in their life and have so much wisdom, and many of them are still avidly learning and doing at the age of 80 or 90. My friend Avis has a post that is a great example.
5. Beautiful scenery (Beartooth mountains, Yellowstone, and everywhere in between - even Billings)
6. Some great animal viewing - whether in the wild or captivity. (elk, pumas, bison, bald eagle, deer, owls, bobcats, etc.)
7. Lee, Marlys, Leo, Beulah, Della, George, Cami, Cole, Jake, Emily, Lance, Chuck, Shirley...This is kind of a repeat of #3, but that's OK since it's my list.
8. Fresh snow for snowboarding
9. Taking a dip in the Boiling River
10. No airline flight troubles (Yeah, I was running out of ideas. I lumped too many of them together in the ones above.)
    

Stewin' and Brewin'

I'm back from my most recent vacation. No "official" post yet on that. You know how it works. I need some time to get my thoughts in order and my "list" made. But let me just say that it was a great vacation. To hold you over, I thought I would implement a dare/suggestion I was given to post this picture and let my readers guess the location. The rule is that you must be specific. No generic "in the state of xxxx" type of stuff. Name the landmark I'm near, the mountain or mountain range in the background, or the body of water in the background. I call this work of art "Mel in Boots". It kind of goes with my new quote on the sidebar too.

Bathroom Behavior Observation #8

There are two bathrooms on the floor of the building where I work, and the one that is closest to my desk that I use most frequently has been out of order the last several days. They put up caution tape all across the doorway with a handwritten sign that says "Do Not Use". A second handwritten sign appeared today that said "I repeat, Do Not Use" and was signed by the HR lady for the building, so apparently some people can't read. I suspect someone may have died in there or something.

This means that I have to trek all the way to the other end of the building to use the restroom, and when the cleaning people are cleaning that one, then you have to go to the floor below. My life is so hard. The bonus of the other bathroom is that it has way more signs than the one I usually use. Here's a sample of one of them. It's such a drag that I can't eat my lunch in there like I usually do in the other bathroom....

For Back Seat Drivers Everywhere

My two favorite are Quickish and Ooh!

Steppin'

I was going to be stubborn and wait until I got five comments on my sweepstakes, but I decided there was no point in doing that. If my readers snooze, they lose. People can still comment to get a home made item, but I'm not waiting anymore for you slowpokes.

Recently I've discovered the beauty of the exercise classes at the Y. In October they changed their membership fee/structure. My membership fee increased by a few dollars a month, but I can now attend any of the exercise classes for "free". Around Thanksgiving I happened to wander into the multi-purpose room where they were just starting a class, and I decided to try it out. I didn't want to waste my extra membership fee you know.

To make a long, boring story short, I've gotten into going to this step cardio class after work two days a week. It's an hour long, and you have to be on the ball to keep up. It's a great way make the exercise time fly really fast and way better than plodding along on the stair-stepper or treadmill. I also like the challenge of trying to keep up with the instructor. Speaking of which, I wonder how someone gets into being an aerobics instructor. This lady mentioned once during class that she has done personal training in the past, so maybe that's her in. Still, how do you decide to be a personal trainer? I guess you'd have to really like exercise and working with people. Two nights a week this lady teaches an hour long step class, a half hour abs class, and then an hour long weight lifting/toning class all in a row. One hundred fifty minutes straight, that's a lot.

The only drawback to these classes is that I have to try to curb my workaholic tendencies in order to get to class on time. The great thing about this is that it works better with my schedule. If I want, one day I can do a class at 4:30 PM, and the next day I can do one at 7:00 PM if I want. Now the only thing they need are some classes that start at 8:00 PM.

Homemade

I "won" a homemade gift by leaving one of the first 5 comments on another person's blog, and as a result I'm required to return the favor. The first five people to comment on this post will get something made by me. Offer not valid in Alaska, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico. Some restrictions may apply. Side effects may include indigestion, anger, or laughter. OK, kidding on that stuff. Anybody from the world can get in on this. I will be a rogue and bend the rules and say that even if you do not have a blog yourself, you can still comment and win a prize. Maybe you'll just have to pick five people in your life to give something homemade to. If you do have a blog, you can't cop out and not do this if you comment. The "official" rules of the sweepstakes are:

1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
2. What I create will be just for you.
3. It'll be done this year. (might be a little while)
4. You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be a story. It may be poetry or an article on properly cleaning your face before a masque. I may draw or paint something. I may bake you something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
5. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.
6. The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must repost this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog.The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me!Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it! So....who will be the first 5 people?
   

FYI: My favorite rule is #5.... Don't say I didn't warn you.

Charity

You know how women have several charities dedicated to disease fighting/prevention specific to women? Like the American Breast Cancer Foundation or the little red dress symbol for the American Heart Association. Well, what I want to know is, "Where are all the foundations for diseases of men?" Maybe since Viagra was invented they don't need any foundations anymore? They should make a "Pros For Prostates" foundation or something. Maybe women are just more concerned about health and feel like they need to form those charities. Or, maybe men are in charge of most of the general public charities and feel like they're doing their part already.

Cottage Cheese SOP

You know how cottage cheese has that little bit of liquid in it? What's your standard operating procedure on that? Do you leave it alone and kind of scoop around it so that you can more easily use it as an indicator of spoilage when it starts to turn yellow? Or, do you usually mix it in to evenly spread the moisture around in the cottage cheese? Maybe you have some other unique method? An inquiring mind wants to know!

Warm Cat

As part of my supper tonight, I had a couple hot dogs that were only a month or so past their expiration date. That got me to wondering - "Can hot dogs ever really go 'bad?" It seems like they're processed enough that they'd never go bad unless they had some kind of bad organism in them when they were made, and in that case they are "bad" to start with. Don't worry, I eat expired/on the edge food all the time. I'm sure I'll be fine. The past due eggs I ate this weekend didn't affect me at all. It's all part of my training regimen for going to third world countries. Speaking of third world countries, it's now the year of the Ox as of today. Happy Chinese New Year!

Black Belt and Blinds

I can see my readership dearly missed me. I was gone all week and only received one comment. Hmmm..... I am now an officially trained Black Belt (in Six Sigma of course - what else would it be in). This is just the lowest level. The difficult part is putting it into practice in your life. I'm pretty sure I drank too much of the Kool-Aid and won't be going back.

Anyhoo, before I went to the final and fourth week of prison, I mean, training, I did a little blind project that you can see below. It is now even safer to be a guest in my home because you don't have to dress in front of the neighbors anymore.

Are You In?

I got this by e-mail the other day and thought it was funny....

Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit. In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random urine test with which I have no problem.

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them?

Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their butt, doing drugs, while I work. . . . Can you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?

Guess we could title that program, 'Urine or You're Out'. Just a thought.

Backcountry

I did my first "backcountry" snowboarding this week. I went with some people from work to a nearby state park, and we hiked a ways into the park until we found "Mount Sand Dune". We hiked up the "mountain" with our sleds/snowboards and took a trip down the slope. It may not seem like much to you people out in Wyoming and Montana, but it was strenuous enough that we were too tired after one trip to do a second one. Did I mention that we went after work, so we also did it by moonlight? We've had more than a foot of snow in the last week, so the snow wasn't too bad, although it was mixed with sand in a few places.

The temperature was probably in the teens, which is a respectable winter temperature. But, you know the winters here aren't all that extreme when three of the people who went on the hike didn't wear real snow boots because they didn't have any. Two people wore tennis shows with Wal-Mart bags for waterproofing and about three pairs of socks for warmth. It boggles my mind that these people wouldn't own a nice pair of Sorels. A pair of those is essential winter survival gear.

P.S. New exercise goals have been established. If you're interested, see the sidebar.

An Historic Day

Today is the only day in my life (and hers) when my mother will be exactly twice as old as me.

There's always a way to spice things up in life and take a gamble. For example, there are two guys at work who like to have a competition at the water cooler every morning. They play best 2 out of 3, and what you do is dispense water into your cup for as long as possible without the big bubble "boinking" on you. They alternate turns, and you can dispense as much or as little water as you want. If you make the water bubble, you lose. You should try it, it's very entertaining to watch.

This and That

A couple weeks ago I took to the bank the two small jars of loose change that I had collected over the years every time I emptied my pockets at the end of the day. My bank has this really fun coin counter machine, so I emptied my jars into the machine and had fun watching it count up. Surprisingly, I had $42.65 total, which I thought was pretty good since the person ahead of me only had like $8.00. No coin in the jar was larger than a quarter in value. I was totally blown out of the water by the guy who came after me with a larger tupperware container though. He had over $212!

I thought you might be interested to know that in the local sporting good store today I saw some hear rate monitor watches made by Sportline that do not require the chest strap thing. Let me tell you, I was sorely tempted to buy one since their lowest end model only cost $40. But, I've decided to give Anna's perceived rate of exertion thing a try and see how that goes. If that doesn't work out, then maybe I'll have to go back and buy one of those fancy heart rate watches.

It sure has been snowing here a whole bunch, which I actually don't mind. It's way better than rain or no snow at all as long as it's going to be cold. Later.

Input Needed For Reals

Dear MelBMarvis readers,
I sincerely need some input here on how to measure my exercise activity for the year of 2009. In 2007, I only tracked the number of days I exercised 30 (maybe it was 45?) minutes or more per day. At the end of the year, it didn't seem like this gave me the "true" picture of my exercise, so in 2008 I tracked the days again plus the number of minutes I exercised each day. This was somewhat more satisfactory in giving me a picture of my exercise situation. I showed this data to one of my Six Sigma instructors, and he said it was a good start, but was there something more meaningful I could measure? What am I trying to accomplish? That would maybe tell me what I need to measure.

The truth is, my main goal in tracking my exercise was just to try to make sure I get some exercise every day. I'm not really training for anything specific, I'm only attempting to be a relatively "fit" person who maintains her weight, doesn't get the "weekend warrior syndrome", and has fewer back and neck problems. Maybe the problem is that I don't have a well-defined goal. I could measure my heart rate when I exercise, but that involves a significant cash outlay for the monitor plus a lot of hassle of trying to remember to take it with me any time I go anywhere I think I'll be exercising not to mention the hassle of hooking the monitor to my chest every time. That sounds like a lot of work. I could measure my body fat percentage. That would only involve a small cash outlay and taking a quick measurement every week or month. Ananias has suggested a pedometer in the past. My only issue with that (beside the small cash expense) is that it may not be accurate for some of my sports like rock climbing, weight lifting, or doing the abs class at the Y. Or, I could continue with the same measuring of minutes. That way, I can continue to be random in my exercise program.

Do any of you have some other suggestions on what to measure or a better goal I could set for myself? What's your personal exercise goal? FYI, I do NOT do 5:00 AM or 6:00 AM exercise programs. I am NOT interested in starting one either. Don't go there.

Thank you in advance for your input.
MelBMarvis

P.S. BIL-Dan, I named my new alarm clock Hamish since it is a supplanter also. I've decided to go with Devin's suggestion of a name for my car: Herman. Uncle John, maybe I'll have to name something else "Clyde" in honor of you. :-)

New Year, New Stuff

The parental units made the long journey to come and visit over New Years, which was very nice. We really whooped it up for New Years Day by eating lots of food and having some friends over. While they were here, we also spent significant time doing lots of "fix-it" jobs that are much easier done with three or more hands, two heads, and lots more combined experience than I have by myself. I'm still planning to track my exercise this year even though I haven't gotten off to a very good start. Any suggestions on exercise goals this year?

A few of you may be acquainted with my tendency to be frugal, but I'm here to tell you I "splurged" over the new year holiday. We spent some time *gasp* shopping again. I bought some raw materials and sent them back on the ND trip so that others can make some stuff for me. :-) Not only that, but I decided that I was finally tired of my old alarm clock not always alarming when its battery was dying, so I retired it and bought a new one. It was a tough decision since that clock has been with me many, I mean only a few, years. I received it as a gift for my high school graduation from my great-aunt and great-uncle. It woke me up for many an 8:00 AM class in college. It was tough....real tough....to put it in the trash, but I did. In doing that, I also stepped from the analog age into the digital age (although I was in the alarm clock digital age back in high school too). Come to think of it, I got an alarm clock as a birthday present in high school. Are people trying to tell me something?

Anyways, the 'rents and I went to Mowla and Juff's for one night too, and I got to spend some time with some great WI people visiting and playing games. Avis, FYI, my team won at Rook. So, here's the new year whether we're ready for it or not.

Non-Denominational Winter Holiday (NDWH)

This is how I spent my NDWH four-day weekend with my new boyfriend. Needless to say, he can be a bit of a sourpuss.


Other highlights included an arctic exploration with my cousin who was visiting from potato land. I told her she was crazy to leave so much skin exposed in those arctic winds, but she wouldn't listen.


We also baked a NDWH dinner of sorts. Yes, we had stuffing, mashed potatoes, squash, and chicken. Here I am anxious to "dig in".


Some additional scenic arctic pictures for your enjoyment. We also played a few games, did a puzzle, ate some good eats at local restaurants, and (*gasp*) I shopped a little bit. Hopefully you and yours had a good NDWH too.

Giving Thanks

I'll post my Thanksgiving summary today so I can stay up-to-date on my holiday summaries seeing how Christmas is bearing down on us quickly. I went back home to ND for the aforementioned holiday. I won't go into a lot of specifics since they're mundane. Mostly I ate a ton of food (mmm....stuffing, squash, Pizza Ranch), saw some relatives and friends, played "chase me" and hide-and-seek with my nieces, rode in the combine for a bit, and did a little of this and a little of that. My nieces like to take pictures, so I thought I'd post a chronicle on "how the world looks to someone less than three feet tall".

Said nieces who are less than three feet tall (and cute as buttons if I do say so myself).

Only YOU can prevent forest fires. Or is it Uncle Sam wants YOU?

"Big Alice". We're not being mean about her size. There is a "Little Alice" too. You don't want to get the two confused.

Hello, Grandpa.

Greetings, Grandma.

"My, what long arms you have."
"The better to pick you up with, my dear."

An adult took this one. The proper way to lift a piano without injuring your back.

Long Distance

Today we have a philosophical question to ponder. Here's the scenario: suppose you lived in the same town as someone and dated them for a good-sized chunk of time, say a year. Then, one of you moved several hours away for employment reasons. You tried to maintain the relationship, but you broke up and got back together several times over the course of about a year when you lived apart. Then, for other employment reasons, you once again live in the same town. What's the percentage of likelihood that the relationship will last for real now that you live near each other again? Is it a bad sign that you had trouble maintaining a long distance relationship?

Coming up....probably a belated Thanksgiving summary and more bathroom behavior stuff. Stay tuned.

Remembered thought from yesterday: You know you have had too much of the six sigma Kool-Aid when you see "The Biggest Loser" on TV at the Y and wonder if they've done a measurement system evaluation on the scale they use on the show.

Random

I saw a bumper sticker today that said "My kid has more chromosomes than yours", and then there was some small text underneath it that I couldn't read. I think this is maybe referring to down syndrome? But why do they say chromosomes? Don't they only have one additional chromosome? Maybe you could say chromosomes if you consider that every cell has an extra chromosome time a bazillion cells.... A more fun theory is that their kid is a different species and not human. I don't know how that's possible, but it would be interesting to see. Adopting a pet doesn't count.

I had another profound thought, but it escapes me at the moment. That's all for tonight, folks.

Prison: Week 3

My faithful readers may have noticed a dry spell the last week or so. My not-so-faithful readers probably didn't notice any difference. It was that time of the month again - time to go to prison for a week. It actually was relatively "easy". We only worked half days - you know, we didn't work past 10:00 P.M. I even had time to play a game of pool.

It was kind of interesting because there was another class at the training facility that was doing the balsa wood airplane experiment we did the previous week. They were in the "sissy" version of the training for people from the business side of things (marketing, procurement, human resources, etc.) instead of engineering. It was fun to watch somebody else struggle with trying to figure out how to fly those planes. We could feel their pain. I think the funniest part was watching someone "step off" the distance the plane flew when there was a 1'x1' grid right there on the floor to do the measurements. We got to watch them launch their planes this morning too. I think engineers do have a tendency to be a bit arrogant about their superior problem solving skills. Of course, that's because our skills are better.... ;-)

Tips

Here's a couple for ya:
1. Do not take a full dose of Nyquil if you expect to be coherent an hour later.
2. Don't leave your cell phone in vibrate mode if you're going to use it
as an alarm clock.

You Don't Always Die From Tobacco

BIL-Dan was telling me about this when I was home over Thankgiving, so I went and found it on YouTube. I haven't decided yet on what format my Thanksgiving post should take, so maybe I'll just not talk about that at all unless I get sudden inspiration. That's all for today, folks.

la dentista con jamon y frijoles

You know that mask thing the hygienist puts on before she works on your teeth? I don't think that's to prevent germ exchange, I think that's so they don't have to smell your breath while they work in your mouth - and to prevent their drool from dripping on you. Has anyone ever had a male dental hygienist work on their teeth or even met a male hygienist?

On a different topic, I made some ham and bean soup yesterday, and even if I do say so myself, it had almost the perfect taste. But, while I was making it, I felt a compulsion to add something to it, but I couldn't figure out what that something should be, so I didn't put it in. It felt like maybe it should be a vegetable or a spice. Green beans? Corn? Peas? The veggies I did put in were onions, celery, and carrots. Spices were bay leaves, parsley, lemon juice, salt, and pepper. Of course, there were ham and beans in there. Does anybody have any other secret ingredients they like to add that I could try next time? Since it tasted so good, maybe I should leave well enough alone though.

Fresh

Don't you just love the first substantial snow of the year? It always makes everything look so fresh and new and starts the snowboarding juices flowing. It's even better when the sun shines afterward and makes the world really bright. It snowed 6-12 inches overnight on Thursday night, and I woke up to it on Friday morning. I didn't even care that I had to shovel my driveway to get the car out of the garage (making me a little late to work) or that my oatmeal overflowed in the microwave that morning. The local government must be trying to save money. They did one initial pass with the snow plows, but then it looks like they haven't done anything else, so some of the roads are kind of treacherous in places where the snow turned to slush yesterday and today and then turned to ice. That's it - no real point to this post.

Shoht Weekend

This past weekend I added a couple notches on my "states visited" belt. I went to see my former (not old, although she did just have a birthday recently) college roommate. She lives out on Cape Cod, so we hung out with the Kennedy clan and other muckety mucks - you know, the usual. Kidding! We hung out with our own cool selves. For the geographically challenged, Cape Cod is part of Massachusetts (the handle of the gun), and we also ventured briefly into Rhode Island. Anyways, you don't want to hear all the details, you want the highlight list, right?

1. Spending time with a good friend and getting know her new husband.
2. Eating a frog bog (think turtle with cranberries instead of nuts). Delicious.
3. Excessive Dunkin' Donuts population. We're talking, like, two per block. Minimum of once a day attendance required at DD.
   
4. Seeing an awesome double rainbow.
5. Did you know eastern Massachusetts is the home of Ocean Spray (the cranberries)?
6. Learning what it means when you hear about a cape house, a saltbox house, a gambrel - architecture stuff.
7. It does not seem to be a requirement that the siding on all sides of your house match. Your shakes rotted only on one side? Replace it with narrow horizontal siding or new shakes on that side only, possibly in a different color.
8. Almost being convinced to get a ferret. I think if I got one though, it would put me over the line from enjoyable eccentric to creepy character.
9. You can't make a weekend trip without a minimum of one flight delay and getting caught in traffic so you only get to the airport a half hour before your flight leaves, right?
10. Whaling museum, replica Mayflower, and the Plimouth Rock (that's how they spelled it).
11. Clam chowder and shrimp New England style.
12. Heahing that chahming accent. :-)
13. It's not a roundabout, it's a rotary.
    

A couple pictures from the trip

Not a good picture, but the only one we took of the two of us - outside Davy's Locker.

This speaks for itself.

Yummy....

What do Mayflowers bring? Pilgrims, of course.

Ahoy, mates! I see land!

The aforementioned friend did get married this summer, and I have been derelict in my duty/tradition of posting my "top 10" list of memories of her. This will be an incomplete list as there are way more than ten good memories (3 years of living together will do that), and probably some of them should not be mentioned so we don't incriminate ourselves too badly.

1. Honesty sessions.
2. Watching Austin Powers three times in a row until about 3:00 AM one night.
3. Decorating Rick and Jason's cars with their "outing" signs and almost getting seen by Rick in Wilkerson as we were on the way to his car with our supplies.
4. Many a meal in the dining centers and going to get "late night" food.
5. Hanging out at the Union, and "certain people" often skipping class to hang out some more.
6. Getting spring fever and going rollerblading.
7. Playing Rook. Lots.
8. Almost getting caught by the cops while letting air out of Gary's tires.
9. Learning that not all people think the same way I do, and that's OK. Life is more interesting that way.
10. Getting a different perspective other than my own on songs, and because of that, I now appreciate songs I used to dislike.
11. Helping me to become a more spiritual person.

This list was more difficult to start than I thought I would be, but now I'm having trouble stopping, but I will.

The happy couple

You're Welcome

While I work on preparing my "weekend summary" post, these videos will have to tide you over. I think the wireless one out of the three is the best. Check back tomorrow for a possibly more interesting post, although we all know humor is in the eye of the beholder. Any guesses on where I went for the weekend? Hint: I didn't stay home.

Bathroom Behavior Observation #7

Many of you may have already seen this, but it makes me laugh every time I read it again, so I figured I'd post it for your dose of weekend humor.

You may need to stop at the women's restroom . . . be prepared!

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!

The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR! ), yank down your pants, and assume 'The Stance.' In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?' This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

Bathroom Behavior Observation #6

On the same day that these signs showed up, we also got a serious e-mail stating the same thing and adding that managers would be on the look-out for employees who are creating graffiti. I never saw any graffiti, but apparently somebody in the men's bathroom on the 3rd floor was really going to town with some anatomically correct images on the stall walls. I like how their "permanent" posting is hung on the mirror with tape in a little sleeve thing where anybody could take it out of there.


P.S. That's digital graffiti I did there to protect the innocent - or whatever you call them.

Whew!

It was quite the week at the minimum security prison this week. It involved intense concentration for more than thirteen hours a day, and one day was 16 hours long. This happened for four days straight. We did get about two hours off for "good behavior" to go and vote on Tuesday. We learned about the goodness of sequential Design Of Experiments and how to determine important factors in a product/process. Would you believe we spent hours on end analyzing and doing scientific experiments on a balsa wood glider to try to hit a "varmint".

Speaking of voting, I got to the polls and quarter after seven in the morning and still had to wait in line for an hour to vote. Other things I missed due to my sequestration:

• Almost all the trees lost their leaves.
• Going outside the four last gorgeous days of the year (temps in the 70's)
  
• Watching/listening/reading in suspense as the election results came in
• The stock market dipping drastically the day after the election
• Gas dipping below $2.00
• Sleep!
  

A couple things I didn't miss:

• Delicious food at the prison (because we had lots of it)
  
• Obama's speech late Tuesday night - got to watch it on TV since I was in the process of getting ready to go to bed in my "hotel" room.
• Launching a catapult
  

Fruits of My Labor

When it snowed last Monday, I finally gave up on my tomato and cucumber plants and quit bringing them into the garage at night. I gave up hope they'd actually get to maturity before they died. I planted them about the end of June hoping I'd get at least a couple cucumbers. And here they are! The plants grew pretty well, but they didn't get enough of a growing season. Maybe I'll try to grow some indoor ones this winter.


My crop for the year.

Discouraging Things

....when you forget that you're wearing your last clean pair of underwear until you go to get a clean pair. That's when you remember you were supposed to be doing laundry while you used your computer earlier. OK, it's not exactly your "last" clean pair. You still have your emergency emergency pair that you had to buy when you were in Hungary and your luggage got lost. You didn't know how European underwear sizes compared to U.S. ones, so you had to take a guess. They aren't quite the right size and have a different cut than you like. So now, you have to decide between going commando, wearing the emergency emergency pair, or putting a dirty pair back on. Good luck.

....when you're out of your league in the racquetball league you're in at the YMCA. Every week that you go play someone in the league, you get beat soundly by some geriatric who totters onto the racquetball court. He makes you run all around the court, and you still don't win despite your good hustle. The said white-haired man has a knee brace, an elbow brace, and is half blind and half deaf. One positive note is that you managed to be ahead for awhile during one of the games, and you scored 9 points one game. If the guy isn't elderly, then he has some other handicap like only having one leg. Yeah, he beats you too.

On another positive note, the "leadership" at work has said that all planned cuts in personnel have been made, so we can all stop worrying, start focusing, and put our noses to the grindstone. Big time.

Axe

Things were somber at work today (and yesterday). My company announced they are laying off 5,000 people total from January 2008 to the end of 2009 (2000 of the 5000 occurred earlier in the year). That includes 500 salaried people in North America, and most of the salaried ones were laid off this week, including some people in the building where I work. Yeah. Not good. Luckily I wasn't one of them, but I know at least one of the people that was. The third quarter report came out today too. Not so good either. When we checked at lunch time, our stock was down 8 points. :-(

I have minimal responsibilities to other people and no real ties to this area, so it wouldn't really be the end of the world if I got laid off. I'd just look for a different job anywhere in the country where there was one. But I'm sure it's a lot more freaky if you have kids and stuff that you need to support. There's really no point in worrying if it's going to happen though - that will just give you an ulcer. Like one guy at work says, "I was looking for a job when I started here, and I'll be looking for one when I leave." I'll polish up my resume and see how things go.

Does anybody know how decisions are made about who gets let go? Does human resources decide? Your manager? Some higher up type people? If it's the manager that decides, what happens if it's the manager that should be the one to go? How do they get rid of him? Does the company ever realize it's the manager that should be laid off? What if it's the human resources people that need to be laid off? Do they give themselves the axe?

Graphic - If You Have a Weak Stomach, Don't Look / Read

On September 25th, I had a little softball "incident" where I got some bad road/gravel rash on my knee. It was worse than a 3rd degree burn in my opinion. It is now October 22nd, and it's finally at the point where I don't need a bandage on it because it's almost healed. Check it out, although the pictures don't really do the injury justice. Lessons learned from this: your knee is a very difficult place to bandage, and Neosporin is a great invention.

Sept. 26th

Oct. 22nd

On to a different topic: you know how Obama is saying he won't tax anyone who doesn't make over $250,000 a year, so it won't be hurting lower and middle-class people? Well, here's a little story to show you how it does. It's called the short story of the annual bonus.

Like 99.9% of engineers, my salary is less than $250,000. However, the corporation I work for most definitely makes more than $250,000 a year. On average, the company I work for probably underpays their engineers a bit, but their argument is that you make it up with your annual bonus, which is based on the performance of the company.

They have a whole formula for calculating the bonus multiplier, and for the last several years the engineering part of the company has been getting the "global" multiplier, which usually happens to be around 1 because some parts of the globe do poorly, some parts of the globe do well, and it averages out. In general, engineering works on global projects with global engineers, etc, so getting the global multiplier sort of makes sense. Other functions in the company get a region specific multiplier, which tends to fluctuate more than the global one. As you can imagine, the North American multiplier hasn't been real hot the last couple of years (< 1). In the good years though, that multiplier has been as high as 1.5 or 2.

Well, conveniently, the corporation is re-evaluating their bonus strategy for the engineering organization, and guess what? Our bonus will now be based on the regional multiplier instead of the global one because each engineer lives in one specific region. From what I've heard from the old-timers, this is the usual standard operating procedure. When North America does well, engineering gets the "global" multiplier (less than NA typically). When North America does poorly, engineering gets the "regional" multiplier. And by the way, corporate says this is NOT a cost saving measure (yeah, right). How does that song go? "She got the mine, I got the shaft..."

Anyway, the point is, when large corporations get taxed, they will pass that tax on - either to their employees (reduced pay, reduced benefits) or their customers (higher prices, reduced quality), sometimes both. The majority of the time, these employees or customers make less than $250,000. I'm not trying to tell you who to vote for, I'm just saying you need to dig deeper on ALL political promises - on the surface they look good, but what about the longer term or hidden consequences?

Disclaimer: In general, the company I work for is a good company. They do still give me benefits and 401K matching, so I try not to complain too much. I just thought this was a perfect illustration of economics 101.

In other work news, last week I had the opportunity to make someone's day, and doesn't that feel good? I've been working with this mechanical drafter on a project, and we were particularly successful in our efforts recently, so I wrote to his boss to tell him what a good job he has been doing. Coincidentally, he was up for promotion review at the end of the week, so my feedback was timely. Sometimes life just works out well. Remember to tell people when they do a good job!

Sorry, this got a little preachy. I'm done now. For reals.

Aaaaahhhhh.....

....the feel of 65 degrees in my house sure is nice. I managed to hold out on using the furnace until today when the furnace inspection guy came to maintain my furnace before I turned that puppy on. It's awfully hard to get out of bed in the morning when you're under the nice warm covers and outside the covers is like 55 degrees. It's also nice not to feel like I need to wear my coat when I come home in the evening. It's really nice not to have my fingers feel like ice cubes when I use the computer. Just for posterity, I turned my furnace on this year on October 21st, and I didn't have to use my AC at all this year. In the summer, I only had one day when it was getting almost unbearable, so I turned on the fan only on my AC to circulate some basement air to the main floor, and that got me through the worst of it. Just FYI.

Good Fortune

Now this is a real fortune. Sometimes they can be sort of lame and not really predict anything, but that isn't the case on this one. I got it at P.F. Chang's the other day. By the way, their Kung Pao chicken is most excellent. I haven't seen evidence of the fortune being accurate, but at least it tried to make a prediction.

Mo and Anna, I did take those pictures "around home" - within a 100 mile radius of home anyway. Here's one of my other favorites.

Rare Thing - Two Posts In One Day

I forgot to post a few pictures from last weekend. The pictures with the birds in them are pictures of Sand Hill Cranes. Even though my blog may suggest something to the contrary, I really am not a nature freak. And finally, this picture is for Lana to show her that I did find a turtle bigger than her "snapper". I might have cheated 'cause I think this is a tortoise. BIL Dana can maybe verify.

Random Stuff

You learn something new (and sometimes interesting) every day. Today I learned there is an "auto filter" feature in Microsoft Excel that I will probably find very useful. A couple weeks ago two Middle Eastern/Asian guys at work were telling me how in their country of origin that it's not uncommon for about 1/3 of the people in those countries to marry their close cousin. They went on to further explain the benefits of marrying your cousin. First of all, usually the dowry requirements are reduced and/or both families help with the wedding more. Plus, it contributes to a lower divorce rate because it's hard for the families to take sides in those kinds of situations since both the husband and wife are family. I'm not sure if all of that is completely true, but both of the guys did agree on most of what was said, so it's possible it's true. Just some food for thought is all. I wish these presidential candidates would quit trying to say they're going to try to help everybody in America with everything since we all know that's really not going to happen. Here's another gem from a different guy at work: "Can I get a re-deal on my presidential candidate choices?"

Becoming a GB

I realized this week that I've been at my job long enough now that I'm starting to become what we call a "gray beard". You know, the old guy/person who has been at the company forever and knows all about everything. Now that is kind of scary. If I were you, I would be very freaked out that young punks like me are starting to become the higher ranking engineers. I'm expecting to see gray hair showing up any day now. One result of being a gray beard is that you rarely get any work done because you spend a lot of your time reviewing other people's work, helping other people solve their problems, or just answering questions. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Speaking of gray beards, you know how economic analysts have been warning of the "brain drain" that is expected to occur when the large baby boomer generation (true gray beards) starts to retire? Well, it's possible industry has gotten some borrowed time now that the economy is in a slump. Those baby boomers might have to continue working for a few more years because they can't afford to retire.

Just some random thoughts....

Diversity

This past weekend I went to a "crop". For those of you not familiar with the term, you don't plant anything except your rear end in a chair, where you scrapbook for hours on end. I must say this was quite a departure from my norm, or perhaps you would say this was "special cause variation". I bet most of you can't imagine me working on a scrapbook for two days straight, but that is what I did. Digitally, of course - I bypassed the cutters and scissors and taper thingamajigs in favor of doing my scrapbook of Chiner on the computer.

Anyways, the point is, that is not the usual demographic of people that I hang out with. I'm used to hanging out with techie and/or nerdy people like me, and a large majority of them are men. This weekend was basically all ladies who are moms, day care supervisor people, teachers, that sort of thing. There was a whole new realm of topics of conversation that I heard, but that's OK since diversity of thought is a good thing. I kept my mouth shut so they wouldn't know I was an interloper, but I think the computer gave me away.

To summarize, it was still a lot of fun - I spent some quality time with my cousin and my sister. I was just a bit disappointed that nobody got out their camera to take a picture of everybody scrapbooking. Because next time, then you could scrapbook a picture of people scrapbooking. The time after that, you could take a picture of somebody scrapbooking a picture of people scrapbooking. After that, you could take a picture of a picture of a picture....you get the idea. The old hall of mirrors trick.

That was my weekend. Oh yeah, and I briefly saw Sarah while I was there. I think I might turn over a different exercise leaf since she taught me that exercise is highly overrated due to the risk of injury, and it's much better to scrapbook since paper cuts rarely get infected. I bet by using a mouse and a computer, the likelihood of infection is even lower (unless your cousin has pink eye).

Sweltering Vat Update

In a previous post, I mentioned that my sweltering vat broke in the dead of winter, so I had to drain it, it was a pain in the neck, etc., etc. Bottom line, it had become a chilly (not chili) vat instead. After long and serious contemplation, I made the decision that the hot tub would not be repaired yet another time. I would, instead, dispose of it.

Benefits of disposing of the hot tub:

• Saving energy, and thus, saving money and the environment.
• Saving hot tub chemicals, and thus, saving money and the environment.
• Saving time maintaining the thing, thus, saving money (because time = money).
• Saving parts and labor repairing the thing, thus, saving money.
  
• More open space on my back patio/deck = new opportunities.
  

Drawbacks of disposing of hot tub:

• Labor and time to dismantle hot tub.
• Guilt that Mom and Bro can't sit in it when they come to visit.
• Family even less likely to come to visit now that main attraction is gone.
• Fiberglass itches when you cut it up!
• Tons of spiders and grubs contact during clean-up.
  

Here's a little picture summary of the activity. I feel a bit like Johnny Cash since I'm disposing of it "one piece at a time" every week in my garbage can.

"The Demolisher"

A question for the audience now: What should I do with this new "open space" I have? Things suggested/thought of so far:

• Replace it with a sauna
• Just add more deck to fill in the hole
• Install one of those portable fire pit things
  

Keep in mind that there is already 220V available and a natural gas line plumbed to the outside, so go hog wild in your ideas! Note that I already have a grill, so don't make that suggestion.

P.S. Totally unrelated, here's an interesting link for learning about companies and their salaries.